sejak mengalami sakit angau yg pertama berpuluh tahun lepas, aku terdorong utk menjadi seorang yang kerek a.k.a Jual Mahal bila berhadapan dgn kaum hawa. aku buat mcm ni mungkin sbb fobia, tak nak kene sakit angau lagi atau mungkin aku nk kuatkan mental aku atau mungkin aku rasa lagi berbaloi fokus cari duit byk2 drpd pikir psl pompuan. tapi biler jumpa kaum hawa yg kene dgn citarasa aku, jadi balik sakit angau. dah byk kali jadi mcm ni. sebenarnya aku rasa aku cuma protect hati aku tapi apa yang aku patut buat ialah cari punca kenapa aku sakit angau.
Alhamdulillah lepas berpuluh tahun fokus 100% keje, 0% awek, dapatlah buat Gap Year untuk buat Self Reflection. kali ni bila aku kene sakit angau, aku tanya balik diri aku, what is this feeling? selama ni aku emotionless terhadap pompuan, tetibe bole jd lembik mcm bapok tak tentu pasal. punyelah byk aku google smpi berpinau mata aku minggu ni. aku jumpa maklumat yg menarik tentang bagaimana otak manusia bertindak balas apabila ada aktiviti bercintan.
Ni aku dapat kat reddit tentang bagaimana otak kita respon terhadap lurveee :-
“When we are in love or infatuation (the difference between the two is a whole different article) your brain is producing oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. These chemicals create those bonding, loving, and butterfly feelings you have when you’re really into somebody…ESPECIALLY when you are physically intimate with them over a period of time. We are hard-wired to operate this way. Evolution theory says that the purpose of this is to keep partners together when inevitably raising children…it was easier to protect the young from predators and raise them to adulthood with two able-bodied humans on the same team. These primitive feelings and chemical releases are basic functions of our brains, and holy hell are they hard to remove once somebody bails.
The important thing to remember is that the production of these powerful chemicals, the resulting feelings of which you are projecting onto your former partner, will absolutely fade over time if given the appropriate chance. Every profile pic you stare at re-releases them in trace amounts, and every text you send to him couples those chemicals with adrenaline, a dangerous and hindering combination. So don’t.do.it.
The really really tough part is that they play some pretty hardcore tricks on you when you are grieving. The oxytocin will make you crave the physical intimacy from him like a drug, and the dopamine will idealize the person in your mind….it will ask you to recall only the happy memories, only the things you loved about them, only the things that made you PERFECT for each other and what the hell is wrong with him, I just need to make him see how good we are together. Stop. Your own mind is trying to sabotage you. Force yourself to write down all the things you DON’T like about him, and make sure to review that list frequently. As the dopamine starts to loosen it’s grip on you, that list will seem more and more valid. And guess what, it is.”
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUp/comments/36fvkd/how_to_handle_getting_dumped_like_a_pro/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
no wonder kdg2 bila aku fantasize psl “dia” atau tgh syok berkomunikasi during the “infatuation stage”, dgn tidak sengaja aku hasilkan oxytocin dalam badan aku. bila dah kene tinggal, bekalan oxytocin ni tenganggu ibarat cacing kepanasan la citer dier. bayangkan ko hisap dadah tiap2 hari, tetibe ko dah tak hisap, menggelupur le jawabnye. kihkihkih.
Penjelasan lebih detail dari segi sains, sila lihat di bawah:-
“Dow explained that romantic love releases a flood of feel-good brain chemicals. Relationships boost our levels of oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone”, which helps us form bonds with others. The two other chemicals that he associates with relationships are dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, and serotonin, which helps to regulate our mood and is associated with happiness. Love (oxytocin) + pleasure (dopamine) + happiness (serotonin) = a heady neurological cocktail!
When we break up, our brains lose their regular supply of these neurotransmitters, and we go into neurological withdrawal. This is how broken hearts break brains. Subjectively, the deficit in these chemicals can make us feel anxious, depressed, and isolated.
In this state, our brains become desperate to replace these chemicals by any means necessary. Dow thinks this is inevitable. But how we choose to replace them can determine whether we achieve a healthy breakup or prolong our misery.
From his clinical experience, Dow notices that people who have just gone through breakups tend to drink more than usual and are more likely to engage in one-night stands. These activities provide a heavy “dollop of dopamine” which hits the brain’s deprived pleasure centres. In short, substance use and casual sex are fun ways to spend an evening and a rich source of ribald anecdotes. However, Dr. Mike thinks these activities also have a downside: despite the dopamine hit that draws us to them, they are not the best way to get over someone in the long-term.
The same neurochemical turbulence that makes us play fast and loose at the bar can also affect our social media habits. We all know someone who has stalked their ex’s social media, riding every update like an emotional rodeo. This is the oxytocin-starved brain inhaling the vapours of lost love. It’s bad news because it prolongs the connection that we have to let die.”
Source: https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness/broken-heart-broken-brain-the-neurology-of-breaking-up-and-how-to-get-over-it-1.4608785
So thats explains why i acted like a sore loser. aku sedar perangai aku mcm loser tapi aku tak boleh control. rupe rupenya selama ni dah termakan dadah . ha ha ha. bila aku jumpa maklumat ni terus hati aku rasa tenang sikit, mungkin my inner self dah jumpa jawapan yg dia nak selama ni. Alhamdulillah, syukur kepada Allah. Tapi aku mmg percaya bahawa hidayah tu Allah akan bagi bila kita dah bersedia utk menerimanya, oleh itu sentiasalah berusaha utk menjadi lebih baik dan mendekatkan diri kepadaNya.
Kepada mereka yg tgh stress, jangan risau… cari jalan utk hiburkan diri sendiri, make yourself laugh everyday, life is too short to be sad. lupakan psl dia, only u can make yourself happy, if you’re not happy, u cannot make others happy. make yourself happy and make others happy. treat it as a bonus if others make you happy. pasang niat utk buat amal bila nk cari pasangan hidup, supaya niat kita ikhlas utk buat amal utk dia dan tidak mengharapkan apa2 balasan. bile kene reject lagi, ko takkan kecewa sbb dari awal lg dah psg niat ikhlas. again, thats why we need to make ourself happy.
mmg lumrah manusia kita ada perasaan sebegini disebabkan oleh kesan hormon2 tersebut ke atas kita. oleh itu, lakukan senaman setiap hari, libatkan diri dalam aktiviti sukan, make new friends, cuba hobi baru, kekalkan hobi yg lama. semua aktiviti ni boleh menjana hormon2 tersebut supaya kita tidak bergantung sepenuhnya kpd kaum hawa.
when you crave about her, due to her intellectual, or her appearance, or her character, then BECOME LIKE HER. you yourself strive to be more intellectual, better appearance and better character.
At the time of writing this article, one of my friend just passed away. He was 50+ years old. Life is short. Make it count!
Keep on taking risks, from there you will make mistakes and correct it and become a better person. Jgn putus asa berkenalan dengan orang, biarpun akan kene reject, dari situ, kenalpasti kesilapan dan buat lebih baik utk percubaan yang seterusnya.
Harap artikel ini dapat memberi manfaat. Wassalam.
إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِى مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَهْدِى مَن يَشَآءُ ۚ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِٱلْمُهْتَدِينَ
“Indeed, [O Muḥammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allāh guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided”
(28:56)
